For over twenty years, Miriam lived with an invisible burden. On the outside, she appeared functional, dedicated, and capable. But behind this facade, she fought daily battles with self-doubt, exhaustion, and the feeling of being worthless. Her story begins with decades of experience being bullied at work and a hidden depression that kept intensifying.
Between a Sense of Duty and Inner Emptiness
Even on Sunday evenings, Miriam would feel a deep inner tension. Despite having a wonderful weekend with her beloved father, whom she couldn't see very often due to the long distance, her mood would drop the closer the start of the workweek approached. While others wound down their weekends in a relaxed state, the mere thought of the upcoming Monday caused her anxiety and severe stomach cramps. Above all, her racing thoughts would gather momentum as she lay in bed on Sunday night.
Miriam spoke to us very openly about her negative thought spiral, which she simply could not escape:
“I lie in bed at night and then the thoughts come that keep me awake for hours. I am a failure, I am worthless, why does nobody like me, I don't deserve to be loved.”
Rationally, of course, Miriam knew that these thoughts were not true and, moreover, that she had people in her circle of family and friends who loved and supported her. Yet, she still could not break out of the racing thoughts.
Despite these severe symptoms, Miriam almost never took sick leave. She functioned at her job, but as soon as she came home, she was overwhelmed by emotions. She would cry terribly, feeling empty and alone. It took a while before she understood what was wrong with her. It wasn't until a conversation with a doctor that a term was mentioned for the first time that summed everything up perfectly: "High-functioning depression." It wasn't a typical textbook depression. The doctor explained to her that this is a form of depression where those affected seem to function well in everyday life. They go to work, complete tasks, and meet up with friends. Miriam even did volunteer work at her church and loved traveling to New Zealand on a regular basis. Yet internally, the exact same symptoms as those with more obvious depressive progressions, made themselves clear: dejection, self-doubt, inner restlessness, and a range of physical complaints.
For Miriam, this diagnosis was almost a relief. She finally felt understood in a condition that often remains invisible, precisely because it is not perceived from the outside as being "sick."
“And that’s the hardest part about mental health struggles. If someone breaks an arm, everyone can see that they're hurting. But with mental or emotional struggles, that visibility isn’t there.”
Showing Up and Being Seen
Miriam realized that needing help is not a sign of weakness, but a vital step toward getting better. She knew she had to take action for things to improve. She decided to have a conversation with her boss, who showed understanding by giving her the opportunity to work more from home. Miriam experienced firsthand that transparent communication about her condition is incredibly important and can achieve a great deal. She gathered some of her colleagues, spoke openly about her diagnosis, and explained that the blank stare she sometimes had at work did not mean she was uninterested in what they were saying, but was rather a symptom of her illness. In doing so, Miriam strongly recommends speaking in I-statements and offering concrete solutions. For her, one of those solutions looked like this: instead of reacting immediately to a request from her boss or a coworker, she asks for a few minutes to think. This creates space to gather her thoughts without feeling pressured.
Communicating how she feels is, of course, anything but easy. Miriam is still learning and continually pushing past her comfort zone to educate those around her about her diagnosis. It is still not always easy for her to speak openly about her emotions. She knows it can also be difficult for the people in her life to find the right way to handle her depression. In fact, she hasn't always handled things perfectly with her beloved father, who is her closest confidant.
“It’s often the people closest to us that we lash out at the most, and the ones who have to bear the heaviest burden.”
What Helps When Things Get Tough
Despite everything, Miriam constantly finds small sources of strength. Writing children's stories, her active involvement in her church community, and regular exercise help her step away from the inner pressure for a few moments and enjoy the wonderful feeling of being needed. Boxing, in particular, has become a vital outlet for her and now represents a place where she can push her limits, let go, and fight for herself.
Tea and Therapy: A Ritual That Provides Grounding
By that point, Miriam had already accomplished so much on her own. She noticed that routines helped her, but she also knew that professional psychological support is essential when dealing with depression. During her research, she came across deprexis—a digital therapy program that is accessible immediately and free of charge for those with public health insurance.
Right from the start, she felt like the program truly 'got' her. It tailored itself to her, adapted to her needs, and provided exercises that hit home right where she needed support. It was exactly what she was looking for: simple, everyday strategies to help her feel like herself again.
She created a little ritual to integrate deprexis into her daily life as smoothly as possible. Every Friday after exercising, she sits down on her couch with a cup of tea and uses deprexis for one to two hours, depending on how much support she needs with that particular topic. Right from the start, the content moved her so deeply that she started her own therapy journal to write down her insights.
The audio exercise on changing perspectives was especially helpful for her. Instead of getting lost in thought spirals, she learned to look at her situation from the outside: “The bird’s-eye view was incredibly helpful. I imagined I was an eagle, and from up there, everything is so tiny.”
Her self-image slowly began to transform, too. She realized that she had the power to forgive others for the sake of her own peace of mind, which is incredibly profound. Miriam shared with us: “A friend of mine always says, ‘You are so quick to forgive others, why can't you extend that same grace to yourself?’”
She tackled this exact issue with deprexis. The program helped her develop more self-compassion and treat herself with greater kindness.
Miriam recognized that she could not only change her thoughts, but also rethink her attitude toward herself. Just like in boxing, where she would switch tactics if a technique wasn't working, she began letting go of old thought patterns in her everyday life as well.
Today, Miriam shares her story without hesitation. She understands how crucial open communication and self-kindness are, and how liberating it feels when you release the idea that you are weak. Her conviction is clear: asking for help takes real strength.
When asked what message she would like to leave for others going through this, she said:
