Depression is among the most common mental illnesses in Germany. Medical scientific societies in Germany estimate that within a twelve-month period, around 7 to 8 out of 100 adults experience unipolar depression—amounting to several million people.

What does this mean for families? Depending on the study, approximately 3 to 4 million children and adolescents in Germany live with at least one mentally ill parent. Many of these illnesses are depression. This is particularly challenging for infants and toddlers, as they rely heavily on sensitive, dependable care and attention.

Depression affects both mothers and fathers. Men often seek help later and are more likely to display irritability, withdrawal, or increased alcohol consumption—signs that can easily go unnoticed within families. Parental depression is therefore widespread but highly treatable—and no mother or father has to go through it alone.

Children sense moods. A long-lasting depression can alter the family atmosphere, leading to less energy, increased withdrawal, and quicker irritation. This is confusing for children. It is important to know: children adapt—but they are not responsible for making the adults well.

• Uncertainty ("Did I do something wrong?"): Children often look for the blame in themselves. Clear sentences like "it is never your fault" help and relieve the burden.
• Fluctuations: With depression, there are always good and bad days. Explain this wavy pattern to your children: "Sometimes the illness is strong, and then I need more rest."
• Role reversal: In families with a depressed parent, older children frequently take on household or caregiving tasks. This can overwhelm them—please counteract this and ensure responsibilities remain age-appropriate.

Growing up for a longer period with depressed parents increases the risk of developing personal mental health issues—but it does not guarantee illness. Crucial protective factors include reliable caregivers, understanding communication, experiences of success, and early assistance.

Many adults who grew up with depressed parents experience consequences in their partnerships and friendships:

• Trust: Closeness feels good but causes anxiety at the same time. Some maintain distance to avoid getting hurt.
• Closeness and boundaries: Some give a lot but rarely state what they need themselves. Their own boundaries get lost in daily life.
• Conflicts: Arguments easily feel threatening. Consequently, those affected either withdraw or want to resolve everything immediately.
• Responsibility: Those who "functioned" early in life often take on too much later on. In relationships, caring can tip over into taking on too much responsibility.
• Choice of partner: Sometimes, people choose partners who are unstable themselves. This feels familiar, but it is exhausting.
• Self-esteem: Inner thoughts like "I am not enough" make closeness difficult. Praise is rarely accepted.

These relationship and attachment problems are not predestined and—should they develop—can be resolved through later positive experiences.

• Babies and Toddlers: They need eye contact, physical touch, and verbal engagement. They need to feel seen. During times of severe exhaustion, this sensitivity can temporarily be lacking. Short, frequent "islands of attention" and support from a second caregiver can help buffer this.
• Primary School Children: Children in this age group living with a depressed parent may appear well-behaved but still worry deeply. They frequently sleep poorly. Regular routines, reliable hobbies, and contact with friends serve as powerful protective factors.
• Teens and Young Adults: Adolescents may withdraw from depressed parents or act irritably. A drop in school performance or risky behavior in daily life can increase. In this phase, clear agreements, boundaries, and external support—such as school social work or counseling centers—are helpful.

• Family doctor or psychiatrist: They are the first points of contact for diagnosis, treatment, and, if necessary, sick leave.
• Psychotherapy: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is effective for depression, frequently in combination with exercise, daily structure, and—if needed—medication. Those without a family doctor can arrange an appointment via the telephone number 116117 or by using the online search function.
• Digital Health Applications (DiGAs): Programs like deprexis can be used immediately once prescribed by a doctor and offer daily therapeutic guidance. Health insurance providers cover the costs.

• Family counseling/coaching: Many municipalities and independent organizations provide low-threshold, often free support with organization, parenting topics, and crises.
• Health insurance providers: The AOK offers the "Family Coach Depression", an online program for relatives featuring modules on daily life, crises, and communication. The service is anonymous, free of charge, and available nationwide—even for individuals who are not insured with the AOK.
• German Depression Foundation (Stiftung Deutsche Depressionshilfe): They provide the information portal iFightDepression
• Networks: School social work, daycare specialists, Early Aid (Frühe Hilfen), and family centers—they are familiar with local support services for parental depression.
• Federal Association of Relatives of the Mentally Ill (BApK): They offer the SeeleFon counseling service for relatives. This includes support via the telephone number 0228 71002424 from Monday to Thursday from 10:00 AM to 12:00 PM and 2:00 PM to 8:00 PM, as well as on Friday from 10:00 AM to 12:00 PM and 2:00 PM to 6:00 PM.

• Counseling for children and adolescents: The "Nummer gegen Kummer" (Helpline for Children and Youth) provides support over the phone at 116 111, through online counseling, or at local child and youth counseling centers—children are allowed to seek help on their own. Parents can call 0800 1110550.
• Groups for children of mentally ill parents: Many cities offer groups where children learn to talk about their situation at home, conflicts, and feelings. You can inquire about these at counseling centers or the youth welfare office (Jugendamt).
• Relief: Spending time with friends, engaging in hobbies, sports, and music—all of these activities strengthen self-esteem and resilience.

Please do not look away: a phone call, a warm soup, an hour of babysitting—small gestures make a big difference. If you are close to the family, speak gently about what you observe, without judging.

• Act instead of asking: "I'll bring over some food tomorrow at 6:00 PM—does that work for you?" Concrete offers are much easier to accept.
• Relieve daily burdens: Grocery shopping, taking the children to school, or driving them to doctor appointments.
• Take crises seriously: Act immediately if they make statements like "I don't want to go on anymore." Call 112 or the TelefonSeelsorge or both. It is better to act once too early than too late.

• Regular routines: Reading aloud, playing, jumping on the trampoline, going for a walk—reliable activities give children stability.
• Naming feelings: "You seem sad/angry/anxious—would you like to talk about it?"
• Relieving pressure: Do not shoulder the children with adult problems.

Openness protects: children notice when something is wrong anyway. If you stay silent, they fill the gaps with their imagination—often leading to feelings of guilt. Speak early, keep it brief, and make it age-appropriate.

• Toddlers and Daycare Children: "Mommy/Daddy is sick and needs more rest. Aunt Lara will play with you tomorrow."
• Primary School Children: "The illness is called depression. Right now, my brain has very little energy for joy. It is not because of you. I am getting help. You can ask me anything at any time."
• Teens and Young Adults: "I have depression and I am in therapy. There might be days when I withdraw. That is due to the illness, not because of you. We will speak openly about it and get support if things become difficult."